Time Travel

How many times have we looked back on our life and asked the question "What If?"
How many times have we looked back with regret on our life and begged "If only"

"if" is a big word for only two letters

Too many times, I have looked back on my life full of regret.
Too many times, I have looked back on my life and thought- "Dear Jesus, what was I thinking. Why did you let me do that!?"
Not enough times have I looked back on my life and thought about how God was molding me into who I am today.
Ya know, its cliche, the whole "everything happens for a reason" or "never regret what you did yesterday, it made you into who you are today."  And while there is truth to that, how many times do we REALLY sit and think about how our life has shaped us. How many times have we sat and thought about how the mistakes we made when we were teenagers were, unfortunately the same mistakes we made in our 20s- because we never really thought about how those mistakes were supposed to shape us.

Too often those cliche's are there to justify actions that we had full control over. And sometimes those cliche's are there to comfort us in times when we didn't have any control.

It is up to us to find out the difference.

I've tried not to think about all of the stupid things I did when I was a teenager. All the stupid things I continued to do in college and through my early 20's. All the stupid things I still do today.
I've hurt a lot of people. I've been hurt by a lot of people. These facts are my driving force to bury my past and not think about the implications they have had on my life today- to not learn from the stupidity I once showed. Such as my clothing choices...

Unfortunately- and yet with great pleasure- those mistakes are being dug up. Those mistakes are being brought to the light. Most of these mistakes I can't make right. I can't go back to middle school and take my focus off of the boys I was interested in and focus on school. I can't go back and take away the things I said when I was angry, or upset, or boy crazy. I can't go back 10 years and be there for a friend who lost so much when her parents divorced. I can't go back 5 years and un-screw up the best friendship I had with one of the greatest, most selfless people I ever knew. I can't go back. But how I want to step on those butterflies. How I want the Doctor to come and take me away and let me interfere with my own timeline, I don't care about the strength of the paradox- I just want to make things right! How I wish I could write a letter to myself and send it back in time to change the things I can't change today.
How I wish I could go back. But the reality is a harsh one- I can't go back. But I can't just bury those mistakes again, so what do I do?

I must learn. I must push forward.
I must not bury truth. I must not cower under the weight of past mistakes because Jesus has set me free from those mistakes!

So what do I do- what are my next steps. I can't, and shouldn't rehash and relive every mistake I made or every scene in my life. But I should look back AND DOCUMENT how God was shaping me and maybe I can help someone else avoid the same mistakes I made. I can go back and apologize to the people I hurt. Though One Republic said "It's too late to apologize" Three Days Grace said "It's not too late- never too late." Ha.

When nostalgia knocks you off your feet it can be bittersweet. Joyous laughter could erupt, or painful tears could well up inside. I definitely have both emotions. Sometimes its necessary to turn up the music and look through the pictures and let that flood of emotions run through you. It's good to feel- It's good to look back and learn. 

Cue Tim McGraw, Blake Shelton, Avril Lavigne, Akon and Young Jeezy...

I LOVED my youth- my friends, my family, my church. But it was like when I went to college I moved to a parallel universe and completely forgot everything I learned and became a different person. I forgot that boys really weren't the center of the universe. I forgot that my actions have consequences and that not telling the whole truth is the exact same as lying. I forgot that friendship takes work. I forgot that I told myself I would never play with anyone's heart again. I forgot that life didn't revolve around me. A lesson I knew, one that I learned time and time again growing up, but decided to completely forget when I went away to college.

I forgot who I was and who I wanted to be. I became who everyone wanted me to be. 

It's funny, after I started to write this I watched the last episode of season 7 of "Dr. Who." Matt Smith, the Doctor, said what I meant during his dramatic regeneration (if you haven't watched it yet and are watching the show, SPOILERS). Watch the 4 minute video from Season 7:

Important transcript:

The Doctor: It all just disappears doesn't it? Everything you are, gone in a moment like- breath on a mirror. Any moment now, he’s a coming.

Clara: Who? Who's coming? 

The Doctor: The Doctor 

Clara: You. You are the Doctor.

The Doctor: I always will be. But times change and so must I... We all change, when you think about it. We are all different people all through our lives and that's okay, that's good you've got to keep moving so long as you remember all the people that you used to be. I will not forget one line of this, not one day, I swear. I will always remember when The Doctor was me..."

cue the tears.

The Doctor's speech hit home. "So long as you remember all the people that you used to be."

I forgot.

Now, it is time to remember- remember in order to make right. Remember in order to move forward in knowledge and not ignorance. Remember in order to see how God was constantly pulling me to Himself and guiding my path and working together ALL things for His glory.

As I begin this process of remembering, I will write down the lessons that God taught me throughout my life. I'm so excited to map out how God brought me where I am today- where I will be.

Storytellers: When God Answers before You Ask.

Everyday, every week, every trip, we at Praying Pelican witness God among us. We get to experience the BIG incredible life transformations, people coming to Christ, a house being built for a single mother - but we also get to experience the LITTLE moments that are equally incredible, but are completely different. The child who looks up at you and you see Christ in their eyes, the mother down the street who laughs so hard she doubles over as she dances with a team member. These are the stories that make up our weeks, days, moments.

These are the stories of God among us, in the BIG and in the LITTLE. Follow along as we share...

We are the Storytellers.
My first week serving in Miami was exciting for me! I was looking forward to playing with kids and helping out in children’s ministry- which is something I don’t get to do much of in Tucson. I was pumped! I was going to pour out my love on these children. 

 Then I got sick. I knew I felt a little funny on Friday when I arrived but I thought maybe it was just exhaustion. I just kept thinking I was tired until Monday when my throat felt like I was swallowing fire. By Tuesday I had a high fever and just wanted sleep. 
So, you got sick. Big deal. 
It was. I wanted so bad to play with kids but I knew I couldn’t, in good faith, go out and play with kids if I was sick. So I sat back. I took a lot of naps. I wasn’t really able to be involved in the week of ministry. I still had a week left after that trip and I needed to regain my health. 55 students came from Colorado to serve in Miami. Lots of kids came to the VBS, lots of kids were at the school we went to. But I was checked out. Only God gave me the strength that I needed to do what needed to be done, but it was clear that my body needed rest- so the things I didn’t HAVE to do- were delegated to other staff, like playing with the children.

 But God is good. He knows that I am filled when I get to pour into other people and be relational. He knows because He created me to be like that. So when we “accidently” ran into a Muslim family and tried to help them find their keys, I know that God was answering a prayer I hadn’t even prayed yet. 

 The day the team left, the PPM staff all went to enjoy come cuban sandwiches and just relax. This is where we saw this woman and her father searching frantically for her keys. She dropped them when she had a fight with her husband. We helped search without much luck. They were from Bangladesh and spoke broken English and weren’t sure what they should do next. Hailey, one of the PPM staff, asked me if we could help them figure out the next steps and possibly give them a ride if they needed. Absolutely! But first, we had to run a few errands and empty the car before anyone else could fit.

 When we got back, they were still there and searching for their keys. We helped them call a tow truck and figure out those next steps which included getting the car towed. While Hailey was talking with the woman, I was sitting with the father. He told me they needed to get home before 8pm so they could break Ramadan. Then he proceeded to ask us why we were helping him especially since we weren’t even from the area. 
He asked- so I told him. Because that’s what Jesus would want me to do. That is what Jesus called me to do.  At the name of Jesus I could tell he wanted to talk about his God, Allah and his view of Jesus. We continued the conversation about God, Allah, and the prophet Jesus. I had the wonderful opportunity to share with him the saving grace and mercy of Jesus. He said he didn’t agree, but that he still appreciated my doing good and that it would be a good mark on my record to get me to Heaven.  I asked Him if I could pray for him, and I did- with him staring at me the whole time which, admittedly, was quite awkward for me. He then invited us to their home to break Ramadan fast with them. Hailey and I accepted and took them home and broke fast with them. It was an amazing experience in a lot of ways. Though I do not believe that Islam is the way to Jesus, the dedication that this man had to fasting and praying was quite convicting to me. I truly enjoyed their hospitality and their openness. 

 It was the perfect ending to a week of ministry that I loved watching from afar, but wished I could have been more involved in. God reassured me that He knows me and knows my needs and that I need to trust Him enough to let him give me what I need- relationships, relational ministry, the chance to help someone.

 I long for those moments, not only because they fill me to the brim with joy but because they bring glory to Jesus and He allows me to be part of bringing him the glory!

To God be the Glory. He is my redeemer, my friend, my Lord. He knows me, my needs, my desires- even before I ask for them. 


#storytellers

Be sure to check out another story about Haiti here: http://ericandbeth.us/storytellers-guest-blog-experiencing-culture-shock-in-my-own-culture/