Politically Correct: To Accept, or not to Accept.

Before reading the rest of this, please be sure to read my first post in this series. Reminder: These views do not reflect the views of PPM. They are my own. Also, feel free to engage in respectful conversation. Any hateful, or disrespectful comments will not be tolerated and will be deleted. Note- disagreement does not equal disrespect. 

This is not an easy conversation to have. Let me save you from disappointment before you get to the end of my post thinking I have some awesome plan of how to solve the refugee crisis- specifically the Syrian refugee crisis: I don't. I have ideas and concerns but I do not offer any solutions to the issue we have facing our country today. I have some radical views for the Church that many of us (including myself) probably don't want to hear. Let this be your warning. 

What is a refugee? A refugee is a person who has been forced to leave their country in order to escape war, persecution or natural disaster. A refugee, by definition, is NOT a terrorist. They are NOT, by definition, a Muslim, or Syrian, or part of ISIS. They are not, by definition, trying to come into our country and destroy it. A refugee has likely lost family, friends, possessions, jobs, and more in order to save their own lives.
Now that that is clear, we must stop blanketing "refugees" as evil human beings. They are not "refugees" they are refugees. While there may be someone posing as a refugee- that person is not a refugee. Let's not be confused. Call me politically correct, I call it truth and clarity. 

The reason I preface my piece with this is because I have seen so much fear-mongering going around trying to make people afraid of refugees by saying they are associated with terrorists and ISIS. My friends, this is simply not the case. We should not fear the refugees. We can proceed with caution, but not with fear. 

As I normally try to do, I read arguments from many sides of the spectrum. I try to get a picture of where people are coming from and determine if the statistics they are posting are only to push an agenda, or are actually fact. Did you know that numbers CAN lie (remember that 3% that PP claimed)? That pictures CAN lie (ever heard of photoshop)? Statistics CAN be misleading! (46% of statistics are made up on the spot). You can tell when agendas are being pushed as generally the truth will be stretched in order to make an argument fit. Or, the truth will be omitted altogether and the agenda will rely solely on the emotion of the people, without any regard to the facts of the situation. Things aren't always as black and white as we would like them to be. So to be incredibly dogmatic about situations that are unclear, to me, is a bit foolish. The fact is, over half of the refugees from Syria are women and children. However, there are also disturbing videos of adult males, who came in with refugees, brutally attacking innocent people in Germany. The fact is, that not a single refugee in the US has committed an act of terror to date. However, the possibility of ISIS sending attackers to pose as refugees is a legitimate concern. There is too much gray in this situation. The facts don't tell a clear story. 


I will say that I have seen more of my traditionally conservative Christian friends cross "party" lines with this refugee situation. I have seen many of my conservative friends continue to stay in their "party" line and present valid arguments with compassion. I have seen some of my conservative friends present arguments, some valid, some not, with hate and anger towards the refugees and anyone who disagrees with their stance, "If you want those refugees here, then YOU live next to them and watch your family die." 
I feel like I've heard it all. My friend, Andy, and I were up late the night after the Paris attacks and we talked about a million different takes on the situation with the refugees. I'm now seeing some of our thoughts be fleshed out by other writers who beat me to writing it- which is probably better because they did a heck of a better job that I ever could. I have included the links of some of those at the end of this post. 
Notice- I didn't say much about my liberal friends. The reason is because I haven't seen many of them posting about this crisis. I have a few friends that have, and they have been in favor of taking in refugees, but the majority of them have been silent and to be honest- I'm not sure why. Anyone have any thoughts?

Here are some perspectives I've seen and my thoughts on those perspectives.

Perspective 1) "Say NO to ALL REFUGEES. We don't want those terrorists here."

Thoughts 1) No. See above.

Perspective 2) "Send aid to them, but do not let them in our borders. It is too risky."
Thoughts 2) I feel like this is definitely more compassionate and shows that at least we realize that these refugees have value and potential and are not barbaric human beings who deserve to die. However, I think keeping these refugees in huge camps runs some risks in and of itself. First, it creates an easier target for ISIS. Those camps have no real protection. There are thousands of innocents in tents with no where to run. What could be easier? These refugees are running from the jihad. If they wanted to join, they could've stayed in Syria. Therefore, because they did not join, they are enemies of ISIS. ISIS wants the refugees dead. Second, we run the risk of a higher death toll among these refugees as food, water and other supplies are limited- diseases spread quicker too. I think that sending aid is better than nothing. But it is not a solution- it is a band-aid. And maybe that is what needs to be done until we can figure out a better way. I'm not opposed to this idea as a political stance. However, as a Christian, I feel as though the Church needs to figure out how to do more. (See below).

Perspective 3) "Take them in, as many as we possibly can. End of discussion."
Thoughts 3) I think this is too naive. There must be additional vetting and security going into the process of allowing refugees. I explain more in the following thought. 


Perspective 4) "Take them in, as many as we financially can. However, we must increase our security and extend their vetting process." 

Thoughts 4) I think this is more where I stand for a few reasons. However, I don't want to be naive to the idea that there could be just a few terrorists hiding in the refugees. We know that it only took a few terrorists to commit heinous attacks against the US, Paris and other places killing thousands. And while I don't believe the American people have more value than the Syrian refugees- the American government does have a responsibility to protect the American people. If the government has any job- it is to protect Americans. It is most definitely a risk, but I don't think it is as big of a risk as many are making it out to be. Looking at the facts, there has not been a single terrorist attack from a refugee in the US in decades. The Boston Bombers weren't refugees, nor was the Fort Hood shooter (he was born in the US). Check out these links: Niskanen Center, The Hill, Snopes. Financially, I don't know if the US could handle as many as Obama is wanting to take, but again, this is where the Church needs to stand up. It shouldn't be the government's job to provide everything these refugees need. However, the cost of properly vetting and keeping close security on Syrian refugees could result in a significant bill even for a small number. 
Now, one of the epiphany's that my friend and I had was that if they are coming HERE- the church has a greater opportunity to share Jesus with them and help give these refugees a renewed purpose in Jesus. If the Church doesn't do it- ISIS can. Honestly, I think that is what is happening now already with other refugees and teens today- the church isn't standing up and loving people the way Jesus would love them and these people just want to find a purpose in life. This is when ISIS finds them, preys on them, and then gives them purpose- to kill America. 
I've heard people say things like- "You can't convert these people, they are too extreme." My reply would be that they are correct- I cannot convert these people. I have never converted a person in my life. Nor, will I. God converts them. He simply uses me to do it. Secondly, I would say look at Paul and read Acts. He was an extreme terrorist, brutally killing any Christian he found. God converted Him and he spent the rest of his life preaching the Gospel to the nations. Trust that our God still saves.

End current perspectives/thoughts. 

And here is where I get frustrated and I begin to think to myself how can we claim to be a Christian nation when we turn our backs to those in need. While I love that our laws were built on Christian morality- I.E. the 10 commandments and the Universal law that God has placed in the hearts of all humans alive- we are not a Christian nation. As a woman just trying to understand both sides, I see a lot of the hypocrisy from both conservative and liberals. Conservatives want to bring God back to America by legislating morality. They often say things like "the Bible doesn't approve of this behavior, therefore, it should not be legal." However, when it comes to helping our own poor- or in this case, the WORLD's poor, we don't want to include that into our system of laws because it is "socialism" and advocates for people to become dependent on the government. I'm going to say that I agree. As a libertarian, I don't want the government telling me exactly how I need to spend 23% of my pay check. However, I do not claim that this is God's country nor that America is His chosen people OR that America is a "Christian" nation. No, the Church's job is to take care of the poor, the widows and the orphans. If we are a Christian nation then we wouldn't even NEED the government to do those things for us because the Church would already have it taken care of. If we want God's commands to be in law, then our tax dollars would be going to help the poor, the single mom, or the orphan and there shouldn't be any complaining. As for liberals, they want to help millions of refugees and inmates and yet refuse to help the most innocent and vulnerable human, a child in the womb. I'll expound on that in another post.  

And so I bring this back to the issue at hand- Syrian Refugees. If we are a Christian nation, as many of my friends believe, then we have a duty to be the good Samaritan and trust that God will work all things for the good of those who love Him and are called according to his purpose (Romans 8). If we are a Christian nation, then we must be willing to risk our own lives, in order to share the Gospel.
I've heard the analogy used of letting someone in your door you don't know, who could be very nice, or could be a murderer- as a comparison to the refugee crisis. I get it. It makes sense. This is a valid point.
You want to protect yourself and your family. That is noble, and I believe that it is right. But so is helping those in need. It is here where we must ask God for direction. There isn't a clear answer here. 

Think of Abraham. He was willing to sacrifice his own son because God commanded. Yet, because of his obedience, God spared Isaac and Abraham from that ending. I don't have kids, but I do love my family. I would die for them and hunt down anyone who hurts them. But on the flip side, if my family were refugees, I would hope that someone would be willing to take them in, despite knowing certain risks. To me, that would show faith in God. 

God calls us to use wisdom, but the number one commandment is to love God, and love others. If loving others might put us at risk- that is a risk we must be willing to take as believers. If we are not willing to die for the Gospel, we are not following Jesus with our whole heart (I'm not saying that I always am). This is why we are not a Christian nation. And this is also why I am okay with that. Because there are millions of non-Christians in our nation and I do not know that I am willing to put THOSE people are risk. They don't know Jesus. So if those people are put at risk and they die, they won't meet Jesus. But if we were a Christian nation, then we should not fear death and putting ourselves at risk would be a joy if it brought glory to Jesus. As we die- we meet our Savior. I have no fear in death (most of the time). Christians should not fear death so much so that they are willing to let others die because they are afraid that one in 10,000 might be harmful.
Trusting God in this situation is hard. It is a tough pill to swallow. This isn't black and white. We are talking about people, human beings, who are trying to find a safe place to lay their head at night. We are talking about human beings who simply want to rest easy at night knowing that their neighbors aren't conspiring to kill them. We are talking about Americans, Syrians, terrorists, and refugees. And as a political strategy- I honestly offer no fool-proof solution. As a Christian, I suggest that we step up, love each other, love the poor in our own neighborhood, take care of our orphans and start looking out in the world and taking care of the refugees.

You may think, "how can I help the refugees without going into a war zone." Well, check out this awesome opportunity with Praying Pelican Missions here, you can support missionaries who are helping- like the ones here (Ryan and Gina Hale are our missionaries in Sicily, Italy helping with the crisis there), or send money directly to Refugee agencies (there are a list of different agencies and explanations of how they help). You can put together care packages to send to refugees and send them to PPM's missionary for them to use in their own community (ask me how!). And you can start looking at a refugee community near you and begin loving on them.

They need to know that American's aren't against them. They need to know that they are welcomed and loved and valued. Did you know "that less than 10% of refugees who come to the US will be befriended by an American, much less a follower of Jesus?" (TRM).
Maybe we shouldn't take in any refugees as a nation because of the risk of national security. But we, as a Church, must be willing to do something to help if our government isn't going to.

Here are some articles that I found helpful:
6 Reasons to Accept refugees after Paris. 
9 Reasons Christians should welcome refugees.
Not all Muslims are bad. Video.
Refugees in Germany. 20 minute video (Warning: contains graphic violence and language)
To Conservatives and Liberals. Huffington Post
Pictures of Refugee Children

Politically Correct: An Introduction to My New Series

Politically Correct: A Series

Political stances used to be less of an identifier and more of talking point. It was okay to be seen, befriend and even agree with someone outside of your political party's lines. Today, it seems like our political party defines us- it has become part of our identity so much so that when someone disagrees with our political stance, it becomes personal. Because of this, people get so offended that they end up making drastic lines in the sand that divide people into "them" and "us."  Over the next few weeks I am going to post about some hot political topics that have divided our country and many Christians. I want to invite discussion and ideas, but I do not invite rage or hateful speech. I want to try and break down some barriers and possibly find some common ground.

I want to help Christians think through their political platforms- conservative and liberal, Republican and Democrat. Contrary to what many believe, none of those political platforms equals "christian." None of these have values that are considered Christian in nature, but none have Christian values through and through. This means that I will not follow a belief blindly simply because the platform I generally agree with advocates it. I am allowed to be conservative on some issues and liberal on some issues. There is no perfect party, platform or agenda that exists in this world.

Before I go on, I must mention that these views do not directly reflect the views and ideas of Praying Pelican Missions! I am simply a 25 year old woman trying to navigate what it looks like to be a Christian in America today. I am human (SURPRISE!) and I am not claiming to know all the answers, or even claiming that I am correct in all of my thinking. I will not be ignorant enough to believe that I know all things and understand all things. So please don't think that I am claiming anything of the sort unless I specifically say something as fact. I'm no Plato, Aristotle, or Socrates, though I wish people would line up and listen to my thoughts at the School of Athens.

I am a Christian and an American- in that order. My loyalty is first and foremost to my Jesus, to follow Him wherever He leads even when that means going against what is "American" or even, what might be best for America. Secondly, I am American and I believe that we live in the greatest country on Earth and I would love to keep it that way. But when the commands of Christ conflict with American policy- I follow Jesus. Sometimes that gets me called nasty names and I am learning to be okay with that. As I work through my thoughts, opinions and desires I pray that God would open all of our hearts and eyes to the Truth- WHATEVER that may be.

As I close, I wanted to give you a sneak peek of some of the issues I want to tackle:

The Refugee Crisis
Abortion
Race


Thanks for reading! I look forward to reading some great perspectives in the near future.

Time Travel

How many times have we looked back on our life and asked the question "What If?"
How many times have we looked back with regret on our life and begged "If only"

"if" is a big word for only two letters

Too many times, I have looked back on my life full of regret.
Too many times, I have looked back on my life and thought- "Dear Jesus, what was I thinking. Why did you let me do that!?"
Not enough times have I looked back on my life and thought about how God was molding me into who I am today.
Ya know, its cliche, the whole "everything happens for a reason" or "never regret what you did yesterday, it made you into who you are today."  And while there is truth to that, how many times do we REALLY sit and think about how our life has shaped us. How many times have we sat and thought about how the mistakes we made when we were teenagers were, unfortunately the same mistakes we made in our 20s- because we never really thought about how those mistakes were supposed to shape us.

Too often those cliche's are there to justify actions that we had full control over. And sometimes those cliche's are there to comfort us in times when we didn't have any control.

It is up to us to find out the difference.

I've tried not to think about all of the stupid things I did when I was a teenager. All the stupid things I continued to do in college and through my early 20's. All the stupid things I still do today.
I've hurt a lot of people. I've been hurt by a lot of people. These facts are my driving force to bury my past and not think about the implications they have had on my life today- to not learn from the stupidity I once showed. Such as my clothing choices...

Unfortunately- and yet with great pleasure- those mistakes are being dug up. Those mistakes are being brought to the light. Most of these mistakes I can't make right. I can't go back to middle school and take my focus off of the boys I was interested in and focus on school. I can't go back and take away the things I said when I was angry, or upset, or boy crazy. I can't go back 10 years and be there for a friend who lost so much when her parents divorced. I can't go back 5 years and un-screw up the best friendship I had with one of the greatest, most selfless people I ever knew. I can't go back. But how I want to step on those butterflies. How I want the Doctor to come and take me away and let me interfere with my own timeline, I don't care about the strength of the paradox- I just want to make things right! How I wish I could write a letter to myself and send it back in time to change the things I can't change today.
How I wish I could go back. But the reality is a harsh one- I can't go back. But I can't just bury those mistakes again, so what do I do?

I must learn. I must push forward.
I must not bury truth. I must not cower under the weight of past mistakes because Jesus has set me free from those mistakes!

So what do I do- what are my next steps. I can't, and shouldn't rehash and relive every mistake I made or every scene in my life. But I should look back AND DOCUMENT how God was shaping me and maybe I can help someone else avoid the same mistakes I made. I can go back and apologize to the people I hurt. Though One Republic said "It's too late to apologize" Three Days Grace said "It's not too late- never too late." Ha.

When nostalgia knocks you off your feet it can be bittersweet. Joyous laughter could erupt, or painful tears could well up inside. I definitely have both emotions. Sometimes its necessary to turn up the music and look through the pictures and let that flood of emotions run through you. It's good to feel- It's good to look back and learn. 

Cue Tim McGraw, Blake Shelton, Avril Lavigne, Akon and Young Jeezy...

I LOVED my youth- my friends, my family, my church. But it was like when I went to college I moved to a parallel universe and completely forgot everything I learned and became a different person. I forgot that boys really weren't the center of the universe. I forgot that my actions have consequences and that not telling the whole truth is the exact same as lying. I forgot that friendship takes work. I forgot that I told myself I would never play with anyone's heart again. I forgot that life didn't revolve around me. A lesson I knew, one that I learned time and time again growing up, but decided to completely forget when I went away to college.

I forgot who I was and who I wanted to be. I became who everyone wanted me to be. 

It's funny, after I started to write this I watched the last episode of season 7 of "Dr. Who." Matt Smith, the Doctor, said what I meant during his dramatic regeneration (if you haven't watched it yet and are watching the show, SPOILERS). Watch the 4 minute video from Season 7:

Important transcript:

The Doctor: It all just disappears doesn't it? Everything you are, gone in a moment like- breath on a mirror. Any moment now, he’s a coming.

Clara: Who? Who's coming? 

The Doctor: The Doctor 

Clara: You. You are the Doctor.

The Doctor: I always will be. But times change and so must I... We all change, when you think about it. We are all different people all through our lives and that's okay, that's good you've got to keep moving so long as you remember all the people that you used to be. I will not forget one line of this, not one day, I swear. I will always remember when The Doctor was me..."

cue the tears.

The Doctor's speech hit home. "So long as you remember all the people that you used to be."

I forgot.

Now, it is time to remember- remember in order to make right. Remember in order to move forward in knowledge and not ignorance. Remember in order to see how God was constantly pulling me to Himself and guiding my path and working together ALL things for His glory.

As I begin this process of remembering, I will write down the lessons that God taught me throughout my life. I'm so excited to map out how God brought me where I am today- where I will be.

Storytellers: When God Answers before You Ask.

Everyday, every week, every trip, we at Praying Pelican witness God among us. We get to experience the BIG incredible life transformations, people coming to Christ, a house being built for a single mother - but we also get to experience the LITTLE moments that are equally incredible, but are completely different. The child who looks up at you and you see Christ in their eyes, the mother down the street who laughs so hard she doubles over as she dances with a team member. These are the stories that make up our weeks, days, moments.

These are the stories of God among us, in the BIG and in the LITTLE. Follow along as we share...

We are the Storytellers.
My first week serving in Miami was exciting for me! I was looking forward to playing with kids and helping out in children’s ministry- which is something I don’t get to do much of in Tucson. I was pumped! I was going to pour out my love on these children. 

 Then I got sick. I knew I felt a little funny on Friday when I arrived but I thought maybe it was just exhaustion. I just kept thinking I was tired until Monday when my throat felt like I was swallowing fire. By Tuesday I had a high fever and just wanted sleep. 
So, you got sick. Big deal. 
It was. I wanted so bad to play with kids but I knew I couldn’t, in good faith, go out and play with kids if I was sick. So I sat back. I took a lot of naps. I wasn’t really able to be involved in the week of ministry. I still had a week left after that trip and I needed to regain my health. 55 students came from Colorado to serve in Miami. Lots of kids came to the VBS, lots of kids were at the school we went to. But I was checked out. Only God gave me the strength that I needed to do what needed to be done, but it was clear that my body needed rest- so the things I didn’t HAVE to do- were delegated to other staff, like playing with the children.

 But God is good. He knows that I am filled when I get to pour into other people and be relational. He knows because He created me to be like that. So when we “accidently” ran into a Muslim family and tried to help them find their keys, I know that God was answering a prayer I hadn’t even prayed yet. 

 The day the team left, the PPM staff all went to enjoy come cuban sandwiches and just relax. This is where we saw this woman and her father searching frantically for her keys. She dropped them when she had a fight with her husband. We helped search without much luck. They were from Bangladesh and spoke broken English and weren’t sure what they should do next. Hailey, one of the PPM staff, asked me if we could help them figure out the next steps and possibly give them a ride if they needed. Absolutely! But first, we had to run a few errands and empty the car before anyone else could fit.

 When we got back, they were still there and searching for their keys. We helped them call a tow truck and figure out those next steps which included getting the car towed. While Hailey was talking with the woman, I was sitting with the father. He told me they needed to get home before 8pm so they could break Ramadan. Then he proceeded to ask us why we were helping him especially since we weren’t even from the area. 
He asked- so I told him. Because that’s what Jesus would want me to do. That is what Jesus called me to do.  At the name of Jesus I could tell he wanted to talk about his God, Allah and his view of Jesus. We continued the conversation about God, Allah, and the prophet Jesus. I had the wonderful opportunity to share with him the saving grace and mercy of Jesus. He said he didn’t agree, but that he still appreciated my doing good and that it would be a good mark on my record to get me to Heaven.  I asked Him if I could pray for him, and I did- with him staring at me the whole time which, admittedly, was quite awkward for me. He then invited us to their home to break Ramadan fast with them. Hailey and I accepted and took them home and broke fast with them. It was an amazing experience in a lot of ways. Though I do not believe that Islam is the way to Jesus, the dedication that this man had to fasting and praying was quite convicting to me. I truly enjoyed their hospitality and their openness. 

 It was the perfect ending to a week of ministry that I loved watching from afar, but wished I could have been more involved in. God reassured me that He knows me and knows my needs and that I need to trust Him enough to let him give me what I need- relationships, relational ministry, the chance to help someone.

 I long for those moments, not only because they fill me to the brim with joy but because they bring glory to Jesus and He allows me to be part of bringing him the glory!

To God be the Glory. He is my redeemer, my friend, my Lord. He knows me, my needs, my desires- even before I ask for them. 


#storytellers

Be sure to check out another story about Haiti here: http://ericandbeth.us/storytellers-guest-blog-experiencing-culture-shock-in-my-own-culture/

Let me not be like the Israelites.

“Give thanks to the Lord, for He is Good. His Love Endures forever.”

That is what comes to mind when I think about my Spring trips. God’s goodness, his provision, His constant, unfailing love and mercy.

Humbled, amazed, broken, and yet full.

I've had this blog written for a couple weeks now, but it just doesn't do justice to what my heart has experienced. I kept trying to write, rewrite, and then rewrite again. This is the outcome. Again, there are few words that can adequately describe what the Lord has done in me, what He has taught me. 

I traveled to the desert dry, empty. And it was the desert, despite the death and hopelessness that it often represents, that brought me streams of flowing mercy, a cup that overflows. In the desert, I was like the Israelites. I saw God do amazing things, but then continued to doubt him and turn to other pleasures, turn to other idols to fulfill my needs. I sounded like the Israelites as depicted in Jeremiah 2: 5-6, 11 & 13:

"[The Israelites] did not say, 'Where is the Lord who brought us up from the land of Egypt, who led us in the wilderness in a land of deserts and pits in a land of drought and deep darkness, in a land that none passes through, where no man dwells...' [Instead,] "My people have changed their glory for that which does not profit... my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the Fountain of Living Waters, and hewed out cisterns for themselves, broken cisterns that can hold no water."

And I wonder why I arrived dry...

But the moment I arrived, the Lord began to remake me. He started to fix my cistern to be able to hold the Fountain of Living Waters. 

The desert, too, was living. It was not dry. It was not empty. Though this is seasonal (for the desert), it was also spiritual (for me). God used the desert to say to me, "Look what I can make out of the driest of places. Do you not trust me to make you full again? Do you see the beauty? Do you not believe that I can make you whole again?"

If you're wondering what I might have been struggling with, why I had not been feeling "whole" read my last post "To Be Honest... where I explain about how I am still healing from the depression I spent the last year/year and a half in. 

I often forget how quenching the fount is.

I never want to forget again.
Lord help me to not be like the Israelites.

While I want to recount every detail of my two and a half weeks in Tucson, every ministry that we worked in, every significant conversation, I feel that there is a better time and place for that. Instead, I’ll cut some of it out and share with you some highlights. If you want to hear more about the details I would LOVE to tell you in person, over skype, or on the phone.

My first week, with Spring Arbor University, was full of incredible ministry. One of the ministry days, we worked with Church on the Street and went to downtown Tucson. We passed out granola bars, water bottles and flyers about the Tucson Homeless Connect and Church on the Street and just talked with some of the homeless there. What was so powerful to me was seeing the disciples from Church on the Street love on and give hope to those still on the street. The disciples boldly prayed for those on the street and were unashamed to tell about their love for Jesus. My heart was filled with joy as I watched God transform lives. All I could think of was Paul. As we were being cursed, slandered, and insulted by some- all I could think about was Saul becoming Paul. If God can change a murderer who hated Jesus, why should I lose hope for those slandering Him on the street. God was working in my heart, and in the hearts of those we were serving. He was remaking me. 

Pastora Diana and I taking a selfie in front of the team and the disciples from Church on the Street

As God continued to remake me and remind me of His power, He pushed me to be in constant prayer. I was so encouraged by the Lord’s provision- especially the second week when everything seemed to be going haywire. My second week was insanely crazy- from the hotel not having the 24 rooms that I booked for 55 MIDDLE SCHOOLERS, to having an almost complete staff change mid-way through the trip, to, well, just having 55 twelve and thirteen year olds. It was a crazy week and I spent every night crying out to God for strength, wisdom, provision, peace, discernment. And every night God would provide for me exactly what I needed for the next day. He provided ministry opportunities, He provided staff for me, He provided the strength, wisdom and clarity of mind I needed to complete the task in front of me. He provided EVERYTHING I needed and more. No, the trip did not go perfectly. There were many hiccups beyond our control and many hiccups that were within our control. AND YET, at the end of the week when I was talking with the group leader he said, (paraphasing)”Yes, there were things that need to be improved for next year, but yes, we will be back next year. The kid’s got a lot out of the trip.” A couple of their students accepted Christ as their Lord and Savior, a couple went back with renewed perspective. If even just one life was changed for the Gospel, I count the trip successful.

God did a work on my heart for those two weeks. But he wasn’t done with me once those teams left. No, Pastora Diana took me to Mexico with her (along with my co-worker, Andrew Smith).

This is where I was fully renewed, and broken, and filled again.

This is where my heart remains.

This is where I knew I'd never be the same again.

I was talking with my best friend about this a couple days ago and she worded it perfectly- “I’ve been to a lot of places before, but only two have ever really felt like home.” Mexico feels like home.

As I write this, my eyes are filling up with tears. Tears of joy, tears of heartbreak, tears of yearning to be back. Tears for those families and children living in a LITERAL dump, tears for the house parents who can’t find a CHURCH to support their orphanage which holds about 30 kids.

God brought me there to renew my passion for Mexico. It was a spontaneous trip and not a planned trip by Praying Pelican. I was having coffee with Pastora Diana of Church of the Street and shared with her my love for Mexico and how I so desperately wanted to go back. She said, “When do you want to go.” So, early one Saturday morning we set out for a day trip to Mexico- a trip that forever changed me.

I pray each day for another opportunity to go back.

I pray each day that God would direct me in ways to continue to help the orphanages.

I pray each day that God would bring teams through Praying Pelican to partner with these orphanages, with Church on the Street and with other ministries going on in Mexico.

If you, your church, your family, anyone wants to go on a mission trip to Tucson, Mexico, Haiti, or any of our other locations give me a call or visit our website to read about our other locations. 

Come willing to be changed by God and to see the world changed by God. Come, expecting to see amazing things happen and pray that as you return home, you will not become like the Israelites.

My prayer every day is to not be like the Israelites.

My prayer is to be like Jeremiah, like Moses, like Ruth, but mostly, my prayer is to be more like Jesus.

To Be Honest...

Being in ministry is hard. Being married is hard. Being married while in ministry is hard.

And dealing with the lasting side effects of birth control only make it harder.

I want to share my story for a variety of reasons, to help raise awareness of the side effects of birth control, to explain a little bit about myself, but mostly to ask for continued prayer and support.

I got married to an amazing, loving man August 25, 2012. By October 2012 I was crying myself to sleep almost every night, I didn't want to be around people, I was always tired. I had little to no libido. By January 2013, I was moody, angry, and had lost almost all of my joy and love of life. When I started school back up I was thinking slower, unable to understand simple concepts and I was really struggling with doing well in school, even when I was trying. Rather than trying harder, I got frustrated with myself and stopped being as attentive or disciplined and became quite apathetic about school. I hated my life. I wanted to get out of it- life- I was having suicidal thoughts and was too ashamed to tell anyone because I didn't know what was wrong. And albeit, if everything else was messed up I was still independent and strong willed.

Less than 6 months prior I was joyful, I loved life, I got excited about things and I LOVED being around people. I was self-disciplined, I loved learning, school and enjoyed doing my schoolwork. Mostly, I LOVED my fiance, I LOVED thinking about my future with him. I thought maybe it was just the pressure of marriage and learning how to be a wife. So I tried to just deal with it, get used to it, tried to be a better wife by doing the traditional wifely duties. I tried to make myself feel better by doing what was supposed to be done without changing my heart. I just kept telling myself that it would eventually get better.

Fast forward another 7 months- July 2013. It hadn't gotten better and I had just gotten back from a 5 week stint in Belize away from my husband. While I was away I missed him, but when I got home I didn't want anything to do with him. Finally, Andrew called me out.

For 11 months Andrew was trying to be supportive, trying to figure out what was wrong. He started to back away when I stopped wanting anything to do with him. Maybe it was a phase?

Andrew was patient with me. But after not having been with him for 5 weeks and I came home depressed, he asked me if I still loved him. He said sometimes I acted like I wanted to be with him, but other times I acted like I hated him. He was tired of walking on glass and trying to figure out which woman he would come home to each day.

I remember this day vividly. After he confronted me I didn’t try to defend myself. I was broken, ashamed, hurt. I just nodded my head and immediately started crying. I said, “I know, I know. I’m so sorry” over and over again. I couldn’t take the confrontation anymore and I just ran into the bathroom. I started a bath and just wept. I cried out to God- the first time I had truly asked for his help with all of this since it began. I sat with tears streaming down my face for an hour, before God revealed something to me. *My birth control pills.* I hadn’t given much thought about the side effects of birth control being emotional ones. Before we got married we had discussed our options for birth control. We both had concerns about me being on the pill, but they were mostly physical side effects: I figured I might have more pimples or gain a little weight, but I didn’t think it would affect me emotionally. We didn’t want to have a baby yet and this was the most reliable way to keep that from happening.

Back to the story- so I get out and find my newest prescription of birth control pills and read every single word of the prescription information- warnings, side-effects, instructions, etc. Eventually I read that Orsynthia had “a rare but serious side effect [which] might include depression or other behavioral changes.” I dried myself off, stunned. It was an easy fix, but one I wasn’t ready to make yet. I didn’t want to risk having a child at this point in our life. So, instead of stopping the birth control, I researched the cause of depression caused by birth control. I found that it causes an imbalance in your B vitamins- specifically B-12, you’re mood-regulating vitamins. I talked to Andrew and we both agreed to start me on a high dose of B-12 vitamins. I was taking 10 times my recommended daily value of vitamin B12 every single day, and it worked! I started being myself again. I started smiling, laughing- I mean REALLY laughing. I cared about people, about school. Life was better- I figured as time went on it would continue to get better.

But as time went on I forgot to take my vitamins. I felt so good that I didn’t think I would need them. I was wrong. When I didn’t take my vitamins I would slowly begin to decline in my mental health. I would start to become sad and depressed again. At that point I would remember to take my vitamins. I went on a roller coaster journey just like that for another 5 months. High-low-high low-high-low. I was just glad that there was an actual HIGH for me to attain. I had forgotten what it was like to truly enjoy life.

January of 2014 I sat crying in bed. I turned to Andrew and just said “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t take these pills. I’m not myself, I hate the way they make me feel.” He turned to me, kissed me and said “Ok, don’t take them anymore. We will figure out another way.”  And I stopped the pills. I continued to take my vitamins until the very expensive supply ran out and we didn’t purchase them again. I continued to take my multi-vitamins and anything that said it was rich in B-12. Slowly but surely I was maintaining a joyful life. Of course there were still struggles, stresses and downfalls, but I stopped hating my life. I started reading my Bible again and drew closer to Jesus. Life was good. I loved being with Andrew again.  When people would say, “Oh you’re still in the honeymoon phase” after hearing how long we had been married, I would reply, “We like to think we just started the phase” because our first year of marriage was filled with bickering, arguments, bitterness, etc. We started laughing together, dreaming together, loving life together.

All the while, I was at a Christian school, working for a Christian ministry. Some of you reading this might think, “I don’t remember you like that” but let me tell you- I was a really good liar. I didn’t want anyone to know I was struggling. I smiled when I was supposed to, I laughed when appropriate- but I got out of those situations as much as possible. And I was broken- so incredibly broken- on the inside.

It’s been a year since I’ve been off of the birth control. A whole year! And at times I still feel myself being pulled down into a depression. I still find myself wanting to recluse and not tell anyone about what’s going on in my life. I find myself pulling away from God and away from my husband. I am still incredibly sensitive and wear my heart on my sleeve. I am still struggling with learning new concepts quickly and efficiently. I still struggle with mental quickness. But God is doing a work in me. I am healing. I’m so ashamed of ever having taken the birth control pills. I pray that soon the side effects will go away, but I praise God that he pulled me out of the perpetual hopelessness I felt during that year. I praise God for continuing to heal me. I praise God for the opportunity to be in ministry and serve people.  

But I tell you, it’s not easy being in ministry, and it’s not easy being in ministry when I often struggle with the onset of minor depression. But I know that God has put me here for a reason. I am confident that He is going to use me for His glory despite my struggles because that’s what He does. He uses everything for the good of those who love Him. He has assured me that He will finish the good work that He has started. God is good. God is faithful. God makes the impossible- possible.

I want to ask for your prayers- that God would continue to heal me and my marriage. Prayers as I minister to others. And prayers that I would be able to do the work He has called me to do.

To conclude, I’m not telling anyone that birth control pills are evil. However, I am saying that birth control pills should be thoroughly researched before being taken. Women should weigh the pro’s and con’s of taking such a pill. It has become the norm for both young girls and grown women to take birth control without question- I just ask that you ask questions and make sure that you are making the best choice for yourself and your husband.